New Year's Unresolutions

Happy New Years!!!

I have not blogged in almost two months...I will spare you the great anxiety that this causes me. With the dawning of a new year it seems fitting to go over all my grand resolution for 2013. However, I have decided, after much introspection, that my resolution for this year is to actively attempt to not be bound by lists, rules, resolutions, and goals. Allow me to explain...

I have been so frustrated with my constant, tireless work without accomplishing what I am setting out to do. I stopped and looked at the problem from a nurse perspective, instead of a "me" perspective. There are currently eight criteria in the DSM (psychiatric book of diagnosis stuff), of which one must meet four or more of them to be diagnosed with OCPD, along with other things. It is safe to say that I match EXACTLY all but one of them! Haha...

1.      is occupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the point that the key part of the activity is lost;

2.      demonstrates perfectionism that hampers with completing tasks;

3.      is extremely dedicated to work and efficiency to the elimination of spare time activities;

4.      is meticulous, scrupulous, and rigid about etiquettes of morality, ethics, or values;

5.      is not capable of disposing worn out or insignificant things even when they have no sentimental meaning;

6.      is unwilling to delegate tasks or work with others except if they surrender to exactly their way of doing things;

7.      takes on a stingy spending style towards self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes ; and

8.      shows stiffness and stubbornness.

As you can see, this list is exhausting and when I step back and look at it objectively, I am not sure how I keep up with it...and there in lies the problem, I cannot keep up. I have lost the joy of many things because they quickly become a task that must be divided into categories and lists with rigid deadlines and consequences. While I do not have the diagnosis of OCPD, everything must be done to utter perfection or it is a complete failure in my skewed perception. There are parts of me that know this is ridiculous but this is how I live my life and I subconsciously slip back into this process before I know it.

Last year I set a goal of 26 DIY projects and I did not complete them, although I have the rest of the projects completed. I have been so stressed this year to take the perfect pictures, describe the processes perfectly, and post blogs on the timeline I deemed necessary. This did not happen and so I have spent a year being stressed, still failed, and yet everyone is still breathing and life goes on!!!

Thus, this year, I will work mindfully to be productive while not losing the joy in life and the activities I enjoy most. I will blog when it sounds fun, bake when I feel inspired, photograph because I am deeply in love with film, and design/sew because it is my favorite hobby. I will continue to post DIYs and recipes but there will be no promises, no lists, and schedule! I am hoping by breaking my idea of how blogging (or life for that matter!) works I will stop paralyzing myself with the anxiety of the task and just post!!!!!

Whew...the end!

Thanks for listening to my public therapy session, I feel so much better! Hopefully you either feel relieved that there is someone out there more crazy than yourself or happy that you are a free spirit and have no clue what I am talking about!!! Either way, thanks for reading and be ready for more posts hopefully soon!